All's good

My neice's surgery went well today. The doctor put a monitor in her brain to measure the fluid pressure overnight. When I saw her at the hospital she was doing well. Its amazing how strong she is. Tomorrow we will find out if they need to replace or adjust her shunt.

Adrianna's Surgery

My niece Adrianna is having surgery for her hydrocephalus today. Please say a prayer for a successful surgery.

Feeling a little blue

It's only 6 weeks away until my divorce is final and that has been making me feel very sad. Mediation is done and I guess that was the hard part because now it's just a matter of showing up in January. The divorce would have been final next week but they postponed it so we could file one more tax return. A person would probably think I should want this marriage to be done, especially after what I have been put through these last 7 months, but I don't. I believe that we married for life and should do everything to stay together and repair our broken vows. But when I am the only one that feels that way, it won't work out. He has made it very clear that he does not want to stay married. I just have to work to accept that. And of course that just consumes me with so much sadness. It looks like I will be keeping our house, which is not something I want. It's too big and too expensive for me to do alone. But I didn't really have any options that didn't ruin my credit and I didn't want that, so here I am doing something I don't want to do again. I can't remember another time in my life that I had so little control, I have to lose my husband and marriage, live in a house we lived in together, take on a house payment I do not want and basically just keep living in constant memory of what I have lost. There is no fresh start for me. He'll move out and on to a fresh start doing whatever he wants and I will still be here in our house being reminded daily of the nightmare that is now my life. I will keep praying. I don't really think there is any other option for me right now. I just keep praying and praying and maybe one day I will feel healed.

How Annoying

My myspace was hacked, or phished, or whatever you call it. Crap was sent out to my friends and family, from me! Yuck! Hopefully now with my password changed it won't happen anymore.

I went out last night with a friend of mine. We went to Fifth Avenue in Royal Oak and had a great time dancing all night to The Spirit of 76. Those guys were great! The lead singers first costume was sooooo hysterical. Here's there website in case you want to check them out. http://www.spiritof76rocks.com/ When we left there around 1 we headed to The Inn Place for Karoke. The whole night was a blast!

My kids have been really sick the last few days, coughing, fevers, and just feeling crappy. Brian had been sick Thursday morning. I took a half day to help out Thursday and Brian took Friday and Saturday with the poor, sick little babies. Brianna is sleeping through her nights but Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings I've been up with Ella at 4 am to get more meds in her. I really hope they fight this off quickly.

My turtle that I've had for over 17 years is nearing the end of her life, I think. She's barely moving and so sad looking. I thought she died last night, but then right after I left the house Brianna called my cell phone to let me know she was still alive!

Brian and I have been speaking lately. It sure makes things nicer around here, but not all better. I'm still extremely sad about the way things have been going. That awful girl, (see how nice I can be?), hasn't emailed me since Wednesday night/Thursday morning, so that's helped not to see her face in my inbox again.

What a skank!

So that skank, aka dirty whore, emails me through my myspace again. She wanted to let me know how good Brian was last night. What is her deal? He's divorcing me, moving on in his life, already assured me he'll do who he wants, when he wants, where he wants. (and since I know the skank reads this, I'm included on his list right along with you!), So, why does she keep wanting to email the details to me? And Brian, if you don't like me writing this stuff on my blog for all your friends at work, in Grand Rapids, etc to read, stop subjecting me to her. If you stayed away from her, or at the very least kept her out of my life, you wouldn't have me upset and posting it on the blog. I thought we were getting along for the last week. I thought we were going to be friends "for the sake of the kids", and you go right to her, right after mediation is done, and then as soon as you leave her house she's immediately emailing me through her myspace. You told me you realized how manipulative she was, and it looks like she's still manipulating you. How manly does that make you feel? You always think the worst of me, but for some reason you trust her? Makes no sense. Just cause she's a spinner, as you called her, doesn't make the fact that she's also a brown bagger any better.

And in case you feel you need the work psychologist to read my blog again to explain to you what I'm doing, I'M WRITING THIS TO YOU! It really doesn't take a psychologist to know that. And I know you are going to be mad at me for posting this, but direct your anger at the skank that caused this.

You are going downhill, and it's so sad. You know that I only get upset like this when she contacts me, and I only put stuff like this on my blog when she contacts me, so keep her out of my life, and I won't feel I need to write anymore. You know I love you and just want to get along, but that's not going to be easy when she keeps contacting me. Don't forget you promised me first dibs! And also try to remember a Z Pac does not solve all!

FYI

FYI, if you don't like what I have to say on my blog, stop reading it!

Road Rally

Last night I went out with some friends from work on a road rally. It was my third one I've done. It started out really well, but then it had a couple problems that were just nearly impossible, and suddenly it wasn't so fun :( But, after it was over a group of us headed over to Mt. Clemens to go to subzero. That was a lot of fun. They have terrific martini's and last night they had a great band.

Brian and I have been speaking for a few days now, for the sake of the kids, as he put it. In all honesty I think that is going to make it harder at mediation. He's being nice and I'm not sure if he's going to still feel that way after Tuesday. I really hope he considers that he is the reason for the divorce and he doesn't feel he should be sticking me with all the debt and all. Equitable division of assets is what I am looking for. I want to walk away with what is fair and going to keep me and the girls going. I won't have it as easy as him to just go into bankruptcy and start living in an apartment. Half of everything would be fair and equitable.

Aside from the nastiness of having to divide up the little bit we have, we've been getting along well for the most part. Of course, hurt is still in the way, but he has been my best friend for so long that it's hard to not talk so much.

All I can do is just keep praying and convincing myself to feel ok with how my life is going when I really don't have that much control of it right now.

Busy and tired

I am so exhausted right now. The week at school has been so busy with book fair, conferences, and a presentation i gave for new teachers. All of that has been going amazingly well. I still have book fair and more conferences next week, plus mediation for my divorce. Everything is busy but that is how my life is I guess. I am so nervous about this mediation coming up. I never wanted this divorce and deep down I still wish life as I now know it were all just a bad dream, but here I am just a few days away from my marriage being over. On a more positive note i have had a couple of real fun nights with a guy I met back in high school. We have been having a lot of fun hanging out and talking and "talking";-).

Stupid whore

So the stupid whore Brian brought into my life emailed me again. Her obsession with me has been sick and twisted from the very beginning. I am not sure why she thinks she needs to keep contacting me. Is she a closeted lesbian? Is she truly just so unstable and unhappy in her own pathetic life that she needs to constantly rub salt into the wounds she creates? How many more times is this crazy whore going to keep contacting me? I am starting to be scared for my children if Brian wants this crazy person around them. Our divorce is almost final, what more can I do? I really hope Brian can get his act together and consider the influence the psychos he chooses will have on our children. I also really hope and pray that Brian can find a better way to live his life and start surrounding himself with higher quality people. This whore is really from the bottom of the barrel. I hope he can work his way back to the top again.

Set Backs

So my divorce is extremely close to the end. I've been doing remarkably well in my opinion in handling the end of my marriage. It's been a very long time in my life trying to convince my heart and mind that it's over and that the one person I loved unconditionally for 17 years didn't love me, doesn't want me and has chosen a new person to continue his life with. It's been horrible and sad, but, somehow, by the grace of God and with the help of friends, I've been getting used to not having him as a regular part of my life. Then, out of absolutely nowhere, late Wednesday night (or should I say early Thursday morning) he sends me a text and an email. These have nothing to do with our children and I won't quote them here at this time. Well ever since I read them, I am having anxiety attacks again. I am having a very difficult time getting through my days. I'm certainly not where I was when I first learned of the dirty whore, but I'm definitely set back in my healing. He still hasn't spoken to me since August, and that dirty whore still likes to throw their relationship in my face, so I know that it's over, but still I'm having dreams about him again and the anxiety while I am awake. Pray for me to get strong again. We go to mediation next week, and I can't be all weepy and sad then.

Chicago

We had a great time in Chicago today. We went to Shedd's Aquarium and Navy Pier. The weather was perfect today. On the way back to Naomi's the girls passed out in the backseat.

Going to Illinois

Brianna and I are on a little weekend trip to Illinois to see our friends. We left after dinner and drove to Michigan City Indiana to sleep. In the morning we will continue on to their house.