Get a life

That stupid anonymous caller called again! Annoying! Get a life of your own and stop interfering in mine.

A few more pics from KOA

Even more KOA pics

More KOA

I took the girls camping today and we have been having a great time. We are at the KOA in Port Huron. The girls rode their bikes around while I walked, we played putt putt, took a train ride, went on a hayride, jumped on a giant pillow and in a bounce house, made a campfire and had smores. The girls and I have really been enjoying ourselves. The weather is absolutely perfect and there is so much to do here. I am not sure what we'll do tomorrow, maybe just go check out the lake or river and head home. I guess I'll figure it out tomorrow.

KOA camping

Here are some pics so far from todays camping trip

Fun times

So today was good. After work my friend amy s and i went to freedom hill for the union fun fest. We talked to some people and had fun. We had dinner at the new ikes(very good food and nice place) and then met up with 3 more friends at the rochester mills brew company. They had a great band tonight. I havent danced that much in i dont know how long. It was so fun. An old friend from high school recognized me. I havent seen him since 1993, so it was cool to see him. He was shocked to hear what is going on with me and brian because the last time he saw brian, he was still a good guy. The brian he remembers was the one i fell in love with that everyone else admired and looked up to. Well that brian is gone now. Hes been replaced by this person that now wears tacky looking neck chains.

Funny

I have to say i just saw the most hysterical sight. My husband wearing a silver colored neck chain. He has not worn jewelry other than his wedding ring in years. He never liked it. Now hes wearing this cheap ass chain that looks cheap and used. You have to think though, isn't it sweet how hell wear such a cheap looking piece of shit gift around our children when he is still married to me and living with me? I only saw it by chance because heaven knows i dont like to look at him any more(lack of sleep and increased alcohol use has made him look like crap) but i heard him being real nasty with Brianna because she was having a bad morning with him and i had to go calm her. Well after i saw that chain i got a laugh.

Rambling

What makes people decide adultary is ok? How does someone go from being a christian that promises he would never cheat on his wife to someone that cheats many times and then says he has done nothing wrong and has no reason to feel guilty? And then to top it off, what makes him believe he should stick his wife and children with huge lawyer bills and not want to help pay down joint debt as well as try to keep any assets worth anything to himself? What makes a woman that claims to have been cheated on by her own husband turn into a total whore that knowingly sleeps with a married man? What makes her carry on such a relationship while she is raising children herself? And then to top it off not only is she sleeping with a married man well before he files for divorce, takes a vacation with him before he files for divorce, continues to sleep with him even though hes still sleeping with his wife and then after his wife finds out about her the whore emails and text messages the wife to brag on what a great boyfriend he is and about their secretive vacation. What makes people behave this way? Sure it sucks for me because i really really loved my husband and would have done absolutely anything at all for him and i always believed him when he said if was faithful and loved me. Now i know that everyone else was right when they warned me, but i cant undo the past. Ill never regret giving my everything to our marriage because i married him for better or worse til death. I lived my vows and i was a very good wife. I am also a very good mother and my poor girls are going to feel more pain in the long run because of their father and his whore. As their mother i am doing my job to raise them to be moral and christian. I am teaching them not to lie and deceive. I am teaching them to take care of themselves and to be kind and love others. But their father and his whore live quite the opposite of that. He has even stooped so low as to lie about me to his family so they dont talk to me anymore. He has been cruel and unkind to me many times recently, he dumps our children off on his family and then our girls are always asking why daddy doesnt want to see them and spend time with them. Dont get me wrong, the girls enjoy the time with their aunt and grandma and i am glad they get time together, but come on. Before he was being forced to have "his days" he avoided his family all the time. I would have to make him visit. Now he uses them to keep our girls busy. But hey, maybe thats better for our girls anyway. This way they will have less exposure to him and his immoral lifestyle. Also the days they spend with his family they cry less and they dont complain so much about how mean he is to them. It will be sad for my girls when he starts spending more time with that whores kids than them but ill cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime i am going to keep taking care me my girls and making sure they know they are loved.

Anonymous caller

So annoying, someone keeps calling here with their number anonymous and just sitting there on the phone while i say hello. They did it last week and again today. I am sure who it is, i mean she is pretty obsessed with me. It's very high school. Leave me and my family alone!

Fishing day

Today i took the girls to church and then metro beach. We tried to go to Stoney but the lake was closed for hydroplane races. The girls were terrific for almost the whole day. We didnt catch any fish and that sucked, but at least we tried. I cut worms in half, stuck them on the hook, and even attached a new hook when Ella snagged hers. Then we headed to the nature center and trails. That was fun until Brianna decided to blow it but i wont go into details here.

Great day with family

Today me and the girls had a great day. We started off with dance class, then lunch at BK with time to play on the toys. After that we headed out to holly where we played and explored at mill pond park and then we headed to the state park where we played at a beach and caught frogs and collected shells. Then off to the campground to see cousins lori and phil and their kids and friends. The kids all got to play together and do crafts and we all Had dinner and smores. Then we headed home. The girls were terrific today. In the am Ella had a swollen eye and temple from bug bites she got thursday but a few hours after some benadryl she was much better. Here is a pic of Ella at ballet. She's the one on the end and heres also a pic of the girls at the campground and near the waterfall at mill pond. I told the girls if they were good for church tomorrow i would take them fishing. The last time they fished was with me and brian in may and bri has been unhappy about that so i thought why not do it while the weather is still good? I can put a worm on a hook now so i can do this!

Today

Today was a good day. I started out by oversleeping and i have a bad head cold, but everything else was good. I had a good morning with Brianna. Her mornings have been getting better. School went well which is always a plus. I feel good since i did step aerobics yesterday. I weighed myself and my weight has not increased in probably 6 months(no i will not weigh 300 pounds when the divorce is over!) I saw my sweet girls at the counselor today and me and bri had a good talk with him. I visited my mom for a bit and then went to hard rock cafe with my friend amy. We went to see the band wip because we work with the mom of the violinist. They were great and the place was packed. We got a table but the place was standing room only. Now i am home and going to bed. I hope me and the girls kick these colds of ours. We have good plans for the weekend!

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What a sneaky jerk! Its his days with the kids but because he must have either needed to go get drunk or get his middle of the night booty call with some whore thats available he sneaks out of the house since i was here sleeping. So, when Ella gets up and goes looking for him she becomes hysterical; screaming for him in the hallway. Again when she needed him he wasn't here. So he ditched the kids again during the time of his responsiblity. My poor girls are going to see the loser in him sooner than later all on their own because he cant get his act together and put them first. He just must not understand that evenings are included during times of responsibility.

Little buddy

Max our little guinea pig. His little squeals and squeaks are so cute. Ella calls him "little buddy".

Come on already

You know, the healing and day to day living could be so much more bearable if we were able to speak to each other. This crap where he treats me like crap doesnt help. Back in july we were getting along. Sure i was still grieving the fact that my husband lied and deceived me, exposed me to stds, told me he wanted a divorce because he "wasn't in love" anymore but continued to share my bed and continued to have relations with me up to the exact moment i confronted him on his adultary. When i asked him about her he first said he knew noone by that name, then that someone from a bar he went to had a girl he barely knew with that name, and when i asked why a girl he barely knew was texting that she missed and loved him, he finally admitted it. Then the whore starts texting and emailing me to tell me what a great boyfriend he is and how he took her to tennessee with him and still i never scream at him or do anything crazy. And we continued to get along. At that time he said we could sell the boat to pay down our loan, that i could have the lawn equipment because hed have his dad buy more, and he wasn't being as hurtful as he is now. Then, overnight, he started being cruel. Wants everything of value to himself, wont speak to me unless its to call me names, allows that whore to continue to contact me(what is her insecurity and obsession with me anyway? You can have him, i don't want his lying cheating, immoral, alcoholic ass back. I am not trying to get him back. Take him! Enjoy the guy who was doing us both and lying about your existance!) The only thing i want from him now is for him to be a devoted loving father to our girls and civil and cordial to me. I mean we have known each other for 17 years and i have seen the good in him, its just been awhile, but i am sure its still there somewhere. Its going to be a difficult haul for him to put our girls before himself and his lifestyle, but i have faith that eventually he'll get there. I just pray its sooner than later. In a perfect world he and i could speak to each other and get along and i also pray that that day will someday come. Then healing can continue in place of this animosity that is growing.

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Brianna and Ella feeding the ponies

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Brianna trying out stilts

Brianna and Max

Brianna and Max

Fall fest fun

Today was the first day of dance and the girls did a great job. Ella was so cute doing her first ballet. Brianna is doing jazz and hip hop. She did great too. After lunch we went to Shadbush for their fall fest. We saw a bird of prey show, painted rocks, shucked corn, had a hayride and more. Then we walked on the trails. It was fun.

Shadbush pics

Shadbush pics

Relaxing at Home

I ended up staying in with my girls tonight instead ofclub 22. Oh well, we'll go another night. I did enjoy just hanging around my sweet babies and watching tv with them. At their ages they are just so cuddly and full of love i feel like i could just never get enough of them. At bedtime we looked through bri's library book together. She just eats up any attention she can get. God gave me two wonderful reasons to smile when he gave me these girls.

Great day!

Today was a great day. I felt good all day, the students were great, and my girls have been terrific. Tonight i am going with friends to club 22 to have a great time dancing. Tomorrow Ella goes to ballet for the first time ever. Tonight me and the girls played bingo at Brianna's school. What a fun day!

Questions

When did it become ok to be so hurtful? When did it become ok to treat me so horribly? When did he lose his sense of right from wrong? Was it always this way and i just didnt see it? Did he just decide one day on a whim to throw it all away? Or was it all a sham from the beginning? What God has put together let no man put asunder. Putting asunder hurts like hell. It hurts so much i can barely breath. Its not Gods way and it hurts. But why do i have to be the one hurting when i have been the faithful one? The loving one? The trusting one? Why do i feel like i am the one being punished and destroyed?

Happy girls

Its so crazy this roller coaster of emotions i have been having. After work i had an adjustment and massage and my back feels so much better. Then i met my mom at the gym for some exercise. After that we had PANERA bread and watched a movie. In her shoes, good movie. When i spoke with my girls they sounded happy. Yesterday their dad took them to the nature center and today they went to his moms. Its the first time they didnt beg me to come home, and you think that would make me sad but it didnt. I am so glad they have been enjoying themselves. Their happiness means the world to me and makes me happy. I hope they continue to be this happy on his days. :-) here are two pics i love of my girls. Brianna is holding butterflies she caught at mema's and papa's and Ella is in front of niagara falls.

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Today i feel sad. Not much to say about it, i just miss what i had thought to be my family. I was apparently living in a fantasy but i still miss it. :-(

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Well, I am out of my funk from earlier today, thank goodness for that! Prayer for strength really helps. I recently read that you should pray for a stronger back, not a lighter load, and I believe it's helping. Ok, I am feeling better now. It also had a lot to do with talking to my girls. That always makes my heart happy. Oh by the way, the court blog was from Wednesday but it got recorded wrong. Have a blessed Sunday. My girls and I are going to church.

Feeling blue

It's amazing to me how my emotions work. For the last week I have felt great, happy even. But here I am feeling down today. I am missing my husband, my friend. I keep wondering how we got to this point where he treats me as if I had done something to hurt him when he was the deceiver. The days are the worst when our girls are with him and I am not busy at work. It gives my mind and heart time to grieve and I hate it. Maybe one day when this nightmare of a divorce is over we can be civil again. One day I know my heart will heal. For now I will keep praying for a stronger back, thicker skin, and a healing heart. I know I will get through this sadness eventually.

Loser

When its his day with our girls you would think he'd be home for them when they woke up, but no, he's at that whores house still. Good thing they have a good mommy that loves them and will always put them first. I got up just now to settle the nightmares and get them back to sleep. He still clearly only cares for himself and getting himself stinky in her dirty hole. My poor kids dont have a chance in his future. He is already blowing them off on his days and we are not even divorced yet. So if he ever even does show up today he will sleep for hours instead of caring for them and he will ignore them all day while he is on his phone or computer or hell take them to his mothers or sisters to be entertained. No chance he would put in time with them fishing, going to the park, zoo, movie etc. Hint hint! Spend time making memories with YOUR KIDS. They were here before that dirty whore and her kids. Our girls are the ones that are going to be hurt in the long run. (Oh he just snuck in at 7 am so he can pretend to the girls he was here, too late, Ella needed help a half hour ago) LOSER

FW: Court

Today was our status conference at court and it was so much easier than i expected. I only had to sit there for an hour and then leave. His lawyer showed up late, another way to cost me more in lawyer fees, but instead of gettingupset it just made me laugh. I just kept thinking that the loser chose a loser to spend money on. I also know he bought a key to my car so he could steal papers from it and also access our boat while i was out of town. He's really so great the way he lies to the kids and says he was working when he really was with his whore on our boat and motorcycle. I know it is just a matter of time before he blows our kids off regularly to put his whore first. Yes, i got two awesome and beautiful children from this joke of a marriage, but i am sad for them that he is their father. I still pray for him and that he will prove me wrong and turn out to be a great dad. The girls deserve it. Here are a couple pics from Brianna's first day of school. She is now in the second grade.

Niagara Falls

We had a blast in Niagara Falls. My daughters and I went there with my sister Dawn and her family. We camped at a KOA in New York. We went to the aquarium, Maid of the Mist and the Cave of the Winds tours all on the American side. What a blast. Brianna really liked Cave of the Winds. We also went to Marine Land on the Canadian side. VERY HOT day. We still enjoyed ourselves though. The bees were atrocious, but thankfully noone was stung. We saw beluga whales, killer whales, dolphins, sea lions and walruses. The kids fed fish, black bears, deer and elk. We also went on some amusement park rides. This was a really nice trip. I'll post pics later.