HALLOWEEN

We had a great time trick r treating tonight. My brother, sister in law and neice came over to join us and the three girls were so cute.

Pumpkins and Romeo

Last night my friend and I took our girls to Romeo to check out the Halloween decorations on Tillson Street. The decorations were cool and it was just a nice walk. Today after church we carved our pumpkins. Brianna started a fit because she thought her dad ruined her pumpkin but she did calm down. The last 2 days her emotions were really out of wack. She has just been getting extremely emotional this weekend. Hopefully she will pull out of it again soon. I am following her counselors advice the best I can and I hope it works in the long run.

Questions

Today my daughter asked me why her daddy married me. I told her I didn't know but I used to think it was because he loved me. Then she asked why I married him so I told her it was because I loved him and wanted to always be with him. Then she asked questions about when the divorce would be over and about us not all living together then and she was so sad and crying that it just breaks my heart. She didn't realize things were so close to being over and she was just so sad about it. I am so worried about the damage these sweet babies are going to have after this is done.

Good Times & a Wish for the Deserving

My last couple of days have been good. Work has been decent and my girls have been terrific. What more could I really ask for right now other than for the losers out there that destroy other peoples lives should have their own lives destroyed and those that are loving and kind hearted and honest with those around them get rewarded greatly? Once those losers get whats coming to them, life will just be that much better. Brianna had massage therapy yesterday. Its been pretty beneficial for her. Her muscles have been more relaxed , her headaches have subsided, and she's been much calmer. Tonight the girls were at the halloween party at Brianna's school. I volunteered at it. It was a great party. Tonight I went to see the movie Dan in Real Life. It was a cute movie.

Tattoo

Here is a pic of the tattoo I got. I always wanted one since high school and now I finally got one. I changed so much over the years because I wanted to please my unable to be pleased husband and now I need to find out who I am on my own. The first step is doing what I want if it makes me happy. Of course, no matter what, my girls will always be first.

Corn Maze

Great day today! Me and my girls went out to Leonard for a corn maze, hayride, petting farm and buying pumpkins. The place was small but fun. Here are some pics of them playing in the corn and just around the farm. Then we spent the rest of the day hanging out and doing a little house cleaning. WOW came out and got the internet running in my bedroom so now I am happy about that. I get to use my own computer again! And to top the day off the girls were terrific all day! They have been getting along so well together. Although Ella still sleeps with me each night eve since she woke up and tried to find her dad and he had left the house to be with some whore. Now she doesn't sleep a whole night through. She leaves her room and sneaks into mine. Yes, if you follow my blog you will see how my moods change at a drop of a hat! It's getting better day by day though.

Sad yet again

Things like my daughters birthday throw my emotions into overdrive. I am hiding out from my family at my own daughters birthday party because I am just so sad. I miss my husband so much. I just got a letter with our trial date now and all this stuff is just upsetting me so much. Why did he have to do this?

Mediation

I got notification today about our mediation date. It's hard to believe still that this is actually happening. Don't get me wrong I know he's been a complete jerk from the very beginning of this whole nightmare, I know he is not who he used to be but it is still so sad to know that this is it. I really thought he loved me and was faithful. He made a total ass of me and feels no remorse whatsoever about destroying our family. That makes me sad. I am also going to be having to pay so much in lawyer fees. The fact that if wont negotiate is going to cost so much more than if he would have split everything in the first place. Anyway, the end is near, and life will continue.

Girl Scouts and Birthday

Yesterday was our first Brownie meeting and it was great. The girls were terrific. We had 10 girls and we decorated pumpkins and had a great first meeting. If the whole year runs as smoothly we will have a terrific year. Brianna had her birthday party at my dads this passed weekend. All my siblings were there and it was fun. She got her first webkinz and she has been going on the computer each night to play with it. This saturday is her actual birthday. We are going to celebrate with her friends and then my mom and grandparents. On friday her aunt and grandma are taking her and Ella to Nemo on ice. She sure has a lot going on!
Gosh I love that little girl and I hope that this 1st birthday with her parents apart goes well for her.

Huckleberry Railroad

The girls and I went to Huckleberry Railroad and had a great time. They wore their costumes and trick r treated through the village. The two of them have been so well behaved lately that we have been enjoying everything we do together. Today we are celebrating Brianna's bday at my dad's house. It's hard to believe how big she is getting. It feels like it was yesterday that Brian and I were bringing her home.

Good Parenting

Seriously, are a mini skirt and a halter top really acceptable for a 3 year old to wear to school when it is 50 degrees outside? And he cant even write a note or text that her backpack was in my car? Ok, so he doesnt want to communicate with me, but when its regarding the kids he really needs to get over himself. Dress the kids appropriately for the weather and when they need something for school, COMMUNICATE! She had to play outside dressed for summer and take her nap without a blanket. There is some good parenting for you!

I am glad they are home

My girls went overnight with their dad to a hotel last night. I missed them soooo much, but i did get to see them this afternoon when they got home. I am so glad they are home again. I get so sad on the days i dont have the girls. I start thinking how my family has been torn apart and how much i miss the 4 of us being together. And yes, i miss him. He was my best friend that i confided everything in for 17 years and i miss that. I hope one day we will be able to speak to each other again. Well
Enough about that, i am just glad to have my kids home again with me.

Sadness

Just feeling sad again. It sucks. I havent been sleeping well again. I cant wait for the day the sadness goes away. My girls will be going away for the night with their dad and that makes me really sad. I am used to seeing them every morning, even on their dads days. I also sneak a peek on them every night when they are sleeping. That means im not going to see them for 24 hours and i am sad about it. I am still sad about losing my husband and wish it was all just a terribly bad dream. I have been having really bad dreams again. I just really want the sadness to stop.