Feeling a little blue

It's only 6 weeks away until my divorce is final and that has been making me feel very sad. Mediation is done and I guess that was the hard part because now it's just a matter of showing up in January. The divorce would have been final next week but they postponed it so we could file one more tax return. A person would probably think I should want this marriage to be done, especially after what I have been put through these last 7 months, but I don't. I believe that we married for life and should do everything to stay together and repair our broken vows. But when I am the only one that feels that way, it won't work out. He has made it very clear that he does not want to stay married. I just have to work to accept that. And of course that just consumes me with so much sadness. It looks like I will be keeping our house, which is not something I want. It's too big and too expensive for me to do alone. But I didn't really have any options that didn't ruin my credit and I didn't want that, so here I am doing something I don't want to do again. I can't remember another time in my life that I had so little control, I have to lose my husband and marriage, live in a house we lived in together, take on a house payment I do not want and basically just keep living in constant memory of what I have lost. There is no fresh start for me. He'll move out and on to a fresh start doing whatever he wants and I will still be here in our house being reminded daily of the nightmare that is now my life. I will keep praying. I don't really think there is any other option for me right now. I just keep praying and praying and maybe one day I will feel healed.