Well, the Holidays are Winding Down

The holidays are winding down. I think I've gotten through pretty well. I spent time with my family and friends and didn't let myself get too stressed out. Even when someone tried to bring me down by interrupting my Christmas morning with a text message, I didn't let it bother me. And then I got a laugh to know that she's still contacting my husband to let him know how special he is to her, although she's engaged and living with a guy. How much lower can a person get? He may be divorcing me and that may make me sad, but I also know that I won't jump into the arms (and bed) of another guy and then attempt to cheat on him with my ex. I know who I am, and I know what I want, and I also know that I can't always get what I want. Things will go my way, the way they are meant to be, whether I want it or not. In the meantime, I am just going to have to enjoy myself with what I've got and not be bothered by the lesser people. Using part of what someone else recently said, I'm not going to let a "circle-jerk of f-ing white trash" get me down. :) Trash is there for a reason. It's to be shoveled all together in a big pile so that the rest of us don't have to see it mixed into our world.

See 11/11/07 posting

Click here for an important message!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I had an awesome couple days of Christmas this week. Saturday I celebrated with my family on my stepmom's side. We stayed at the Novi Sheraton and had a terrific time visiting family, eating good food, playing the gift exchange game and just hanging out. When we woke up on Sunday morning, about 30 of us headed to Big Boy together. On Christmas Eve we celebrated with my dad and stepmom and siblings at Tina and Sandi's place. Tina prepared a delicious dinner and again we enjoyed each other's company and exchanged some really nice gifts. My girls and I went to the 10 o'clock candlelight church service before calling it a night.

Christmas morning and day were my favorite. Ella had me awake a lot at night. Of course that wasn't my favorite, but when she kept insisting she could hear Santa Claus and he was waking her, it was so darn cute. The girls woke me and Brian up at around 9 to get to the gifts. Santa brought Brianna a new Nikon camera and Ella got a dollhouse. Then we gave them the gifts from us. They got games, puzzles, dolls, and so much more. I got an absolutely beautiful pair of diamond earrings that I love, as well as an assortment of pj's and boots and more. After the girls gave Brian and I our gifts, my mom came by to give gifts too. Later in the day I took the girls to their grandparents' house and then after that we went to my grandparents' house. It was a lot to do in one day, but neither me nor the girls had any problems. My girls were terrific. They expressed thanks for everything and didn't come across disappointed in anything.

Overall, I feel this Christmas was great! I hope yours was as good!

I was thinking of getting a t-shirt made

I was thinking of getting a tshirt made, but then again, only a few would be in on the joke.  Anyway, for those that might have called me frumpy, in the past, I'll take it.  But, know that I am fabulous too! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to My Friends and Family, and My Reading Community!

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

To My Buddy! :)

As you requested, one last message to you on here. I am no longer writing on this blog for the benefit of you reading it. I tell you to your face now, what I want to say. I only post on here for my own personal benefit and for the musings of my friends and family that choose to read what I say. So, that being said, you can stop reading so that you aren't angered about anything that you don't need to bother your pretty little head with :P Buddy's 4-ever! ;) lmao

To the Whores out there that don't get all they want

Awesome Graphics at pYzam.com

Saw this and thought it was funny and actually applies to someone that reads my blog still. You know who you are!

Christopher Paul Curtis

My friends and I met the author Christopher Paul Curtis this passed Monday. We saw his presentation and then stuck around for his book signing. Great presenter, great author. When it was over we went for dinner at Bahama Breeze. Good food, good drinks!

Weekend fun

I had a great weekend! Friday i stayed in with the girls and just hung out here watching tv and playing computers. On Saturday I had a big errand day; take Ella to dance, drop her off to her dad, go to physical therapy, pick up Bri for therapy, bring her back to her dad, go Christmas shopping with my mom and then come home to get ready to go out. (As if you really care about the play by play details.) That night we had drinks at the new California Pizza Kitchen, dinner at PF Chang's, and then headed out to Rochester Mills brewery to see Boogie Dynamite. Michele and Paul met us there. I had so much fun that night; probably one of my best nights. After church on Sunday I took the girls for our traditional Big Boy brunch and them brought them home to their dad. And then the greatest thing of all happened. I finished off the Christmas shopping and even wrapped up the gifts! Yeah me!

Sucky Day

I have been feeling a bit down again. I wish it wasn't like this. The holidays are here and it sucks. I try so hard to act happy with the hope I can be happy again soon. Brian and I have still been talking but the last 2 days he's been talking less. I got a bit nosy and looked at his phone yesterday and he got mad. That is probably what started his new attitude toward me. So, now he's treating me differently again. It's just so hard facing this divorce when I don't want it. Also this house is also proving to be quite a challenge. The market sucks so badly that the house is worth less than we owe on it. So two companies have told me they can't help me and now I am focusing on the credit union. So far it looks like they will be able to do something but I will need money to close. As if I have money anywhere to give. So financially this all sucks as bad as it does emotionally.

Wrenched Neck, Ouch!

So, I wrenched my neck again! I've been going to physically therapy every week since April for my neck and I thought it was healed. Boy, was I wrong. I moved the wrong way and now I've been hardly able to move my neck for 2 days. My girls have been great this weekend, helping me out so much. I'm on a muscle relaxer and a darvocet which is the only reason I can even sit here long enough to type this entry. Hopefully I can get through tomorrow alright. I"ve got work and then after school we are doing the investiture for the girl scouts.

Adrianna's Surgery

Turns out Adrianna has migraines, so they sent her home with some meds to help. Although migraines are sucky, at least it wasn't her hydrocephalus!

All's good

My neice's surgery went well today. The doctor put a monitor in her brain to measure the fluid pressure overnight. When I saw her at the hospital she was doing well. Its amazing how strong she is. Tomorrow we will find out if they need to replace or adjust her shunt.

Adrianna's Surgery

My niece Adrianna is having surgery for her hydrocephalus today. Please say a prayer for a successful surgery.

Feeling a little blue

It's only 6 weeks away until my divorce is final and that has been making me feel very sad. Mediation is done and I guess that was the hard part because now it's just a matter of showing up in January. The divorce would have been final next week but they postponed it so we could file one more tax return. A person would probably think I should want this marriage to be done, especially after what I have been put through these last 7 months, but I don't. I believe that we married for life and should do everything to stay together and repair our broken vows. But when I am the only one that feels that way, it won't work out. He has made it very clear that he does not want to stay married. I just have to work to accept that. And of course that just consumes me with so much sadness. It looks like I will be keeping our house, which is not something I want. It's too big and too expensive for me to do alone. But I didn't really have any options that didn't ruin my credit and I didn't want that, so here I am doing something I don't want to do again. I can't remember another time in my life that I had so little control, I have to lose my husband and marriage, live in a house we lived in together, take on a house payment I do not want and basically just keep living in constant memory of what I have lost. There is no fresh start for me. He'll move out and on to a fresh start doing whatever he wants and I will still be here in our house being reminded daily of the nightmare that is now my life. I will keep praying. I don't really think there is any other option for me right now. I just keep praying and praying and maybe one day I will feel healed.

How Annoying

My myspace was hacked, or phished, or whatever you call it. Crap was sent out to my friends and family, from me! Yuck! Hopefully now with my password changed it won't happen anymore.

I went out last night with a friend of mine. We went to Fifth Avenue in Royal Oak and had a great time dancing all night to The Spirit of 76. Those guys were great! The lead singers first costume was sooooo hysterical. Here's there website in case you want to check them out. http://www.spiritof76rocks.com/ When we left there around 1 we headed to The Inn Place for Karoke. The whole night was a blast!

My kids have been really sick the last few days, coughing, fevers, and just feeling crappy. Brian had been sick Thursday morning. I took a half day to help out Thursday and Brian took Friday and Saturday with the poor, sick little babies. Brianna is sleeping through her nights but Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings I've been up with Ella at 4 am to get more meds in her. I really hope they fight this off quickly.

My turtle that I've had for over 17 years is nearing the end of her life, I think. She's barely moving and so sad looking. I thought she died last night, but then right after I left the house Brianna called my cell phone to let me know she was still alive!

Brian and I have been speaking lately. It sure makes things nicer around here, but not all better. I'm still extremely sad about the way things have been going. That awful girl, (see how nice I can be?), hasn't emailed me since Wednesday night/Thursday morning, so that's helped not to see her face in my inbox again.

What a skank!

So that skank, aka dirty whore, emails me through my myspace again. She wanted to let me know how good Brian was last night. What is her deal? He's divorcing me, moving on in his life, already assured me he'll do who he wants, when he wants, where he wants. (and since I know the skank reads this, I'm included on his list right along with you!), So, why does she keep wanting to email the details to me? And Brian, if you don't like me writing this stuff on my blog for all your friends at work, in Grand Rapids, etc to read, stop subjecting me to her. If you stayed away from her, or at the very least kept her out of my life, you wouldn't have me upset and posting it on the blog. I thought we were getting along for the last week. I thought we were going to be friends "for the sake of the kids", and you go right to her, right after mediation is done, and then as soon as you leave her house she's immediately emailing me through her myspace. You told me you realized how manipulative she was, and it looks like she's still manipulating you. How manly does that make you feel? You always think the worst of me, but for some reason you trust her? Makes no sense. Just cause she's a spinner, as you called her, doesn't make the fact that she's also a brown bagger any better.

And in case you feel you need the work psychologist to read my blog again to explain to you what I'm doing, I'M WRITING THIS TO YOU! It really doesn't take a psychologist to know that. And I know you are going to be mad at me for posting this, but direct your anger at the skank that caused this.

You are going downhill, and it's so sad. You know that I only get upset like this when she contacts me, and I only put stuff like this on my blog when she contacts me, so keep her out of my life, and I won't feel I need to write anymore. You know I love you and just want to get along, but that's not going to be easy when she keeps contacting me. Don't forget you promised me first dibs! And also try to remember a Z Pac does not solve all!

FYI

FYI, if you don't like what I have to say on my blog, stop reading it!

Road Rally

Last night I went out with some friends from work on a road rally. It was my third one I've done. It started out really well, but then it had a couple problems that were just nearly impossible, and suddenly it wasn't so fun :( But, after it was over a group of us headed over to Mt. Clemens to go to subzero. That was a lot of fun. They have terrific martini's and last night they had a great band.

Brian and I have been speaking for a few days now, for the sake of the kids, as he put it. In all honesty I think that is going to make it harder at mediation. He's being nice and I'm not sure if he's going to still feel that way after Tuesday. I really hope he considers that he is the reason for the divorce and he doesn't feel he should be sticking me with all the debt and all. Equitable division of assets is what I am looking for. I want to walk away with what is fair and going to keep me and the girls going. I won't have it as easy as him to just go into bankruptcy and start living in an apartment. Half of everything would be fair and equitable.

Aside from the nastiness of having to divide up the little bit we have, we've been getting along well for the most part. Of course, hurt is still in the way, but he has been my best friend for so long that it's hard to not talk so much.

All I can do is just keep praying and convincing myself to feel ok with how my life is going when I really don't have that much control of it right now.

Busy and tired

I am so exhausted right now. The week at school has been so busy with book fair, conferences, and a presentation i gave for new teachers. All of that has been going amazingly well. I still have book fair and more conferences next week, plus mediation for my divorce. Everything is busy but that is how my life is I guess. I am so nervous about this mediation coming up. I never wanted this divorce and deep down I still wish life as I now know it were all just a bad dream, but here I am just a few days away from my marriage being over. On a more positive note i have had a couple of real fun nights with a guy I met back in high school. We have been having a lot of fun hanging out and talking and "talking";-).

Stupid whore

So the stupid whore Brian brought into my life emailed me again. Her obsession with me has been sick and twisted from the very beginning. I am not sure why she thinks she needs to keep contacting me. Is she a closeted lesbian? Is she truly just so unstable and unhappy in her own pathetic life that she needs to constantly rub salt into the wounds she creates? How many more times is this crazy whore going to keep contacting me? I am starting to be scared for my children if Brian wants this crazy person around them. Our divorce is almost final, what more can I do? I really hope Brian can get his act together and consider the influence the psychos he chooses will have on our children. I also really hope and pray that Brian can find a better way to live his life and start surrounding himself with higher quality people. This whore is really from the bottom of the barrel. I hope he can work his way back to the top again.

Set Backs

So my divorce is extremely close to the end. I've been doing remarkably well in my opinion in handling the end of my marriage. It's been a very long time in my life trying to convince my heart and mind that it's over and that the one person I loved unconditionally for 17 years didn't love me, doesn't want me and has chosen a new person to continue his life with. It's been horrible and sad, but, somehow, by the grace of God and with the help of friends, I've been getting used to not having him as a regular part of my life. Then, out of absolutely nowhere, late Wednesday night (or should I say early Thursday morning) he sends me a text and an email. These have nothing to do with our children and I won't quote them here at this time. Well ever since I read them, I am having anxiety attacks again. I am having a very difficult time getting through my days. I'm certainly not where I was when I first learned of the dirty whore, but I'm definitely set back in my healing. He still hasn't spoken to me since August, and that dirty whore still likes to throw their relationship in my face, so I know that it's over, but still I'm having dreams about him again and the anxiety while I am awake. Pray for me to get strong again. We go to mediation next week, and I can't be all weepy and sad then.

Chicago

We had a great time in Chicago today. We went to Shedd's Aquarium and Navy Pier. The weather was perfect today. On the way back to Naomi's the girls passed out in the backseat.

Going to Illinois

Brianna and I are on a little weekend trip to Illinois to see our friends. We left after dinner and drove to Michigan City Indiana to sleep. In the morning we will continue on to their house.

HALLOWEEN

We had a great time trick r treating tonight. My brother, sister in law and neice came over to join us and the three girls were so cute.

Pumpkins and Romeo

Last night my friend and I took our girls to Romeo to check out the Halloween decorations on Tillson Street. The decorations were cool and it was just a nice walk. Today after church we carved our pumpkins. Brianna started a fit because she thought her dad ruined her pumpkin but she did calm down. The last 2 days her emotions were really out of wack. She has just been getting extremely emotional this weekend. Hopefully she will pull out of it again soon. I am following her counselors advice the best I can and I hope it works in the long run.

Questions

Today my daughter asked me why her daddy married me. I told her I didn't know but I used to think it was because he loved me. Then she asked why I married him so I told her it was because I loved him and wanted to always be with him. Then she asked questions about when the divorce would be over and about us not all living together then and she was so sad and crying that it just breaks my heart. She didn't realize things were so close to being over and she was just so sad about it. I am so worried about the damage these sweet babies are going to have after this is done.

Good Times & a Wish for the Deserving

My last couple of days have been good. Work has been decent and my girls have been terrific. What more could I really ask for right now other than for the losers out there that destroy other peoples lives should have their own lives destroyed and those that are loving and kind hearted and honest with those around them get rewarded greatly? Once those losers get whats coming to them, life will just be that much better. Brianna had massage therapy yesterday. Its been pretty beneficial for her. Her muscles have been more relaxed , her headaches have subsided, and she's been much calmer. Tonight the girls were at the halloween party at Brianna's school. I volunteered at it. It was a great party. Tonight I went to see the movie Dan in Real Life. It was a cute movie.

Tattoo

Here is a pic of the tattoo I got. I always wanted one since high school and now I finally got one. I changed so much over the years because I wanted to please my unable to be pleased husband and now I need to find out who I am on my own. The first step is doing what I want if it makes me happy. Of course, no matter what, my girls will always be first.

Corn Maze

Great day today! Me and my girls went out to Leonard for a corn maze, hayride, petting farm and buying pumpkins. The place was small but fun. Here are some pics of them playing in the corn and just around the farm. Then we spent the rest of the day hanging out and doing a little house cleaning. WOW came out and got the internet running in my bedroom so now I am happy about that. I get to use my own computer again! And to top the day off the girls were terrific all day! They have been getting along so well together. Although Ella still sleeps with me each night eve since she woke up and tried to find her dad and he had left the house to be with some whore. Now she doesn't sleep a whole night through. She leaves her room and sneaks into mine. Yes, if you follow my blog you will see how my moods change at a drop of a hat! It's getting better day by day though.

Sad yet again

Things like my daughters birthday throw my emotions into overdrive. I am hiding out from my family at my own daughters birthday party because I am just so sad. I miss my husband so much. I just got a letter with our trial date now and all this stuff is just upsetting me so much. Why did he have to do this?

Mediation

I got notification today about our mediation date. It's hard to believe still that this is actually happening. Don't get me wrong I know he's been a complete jerk from the very beginning of this whole nightmare, I know he is not who he used to be but it is still so sad to know that this is it. I really thought he loved me and was faithful. He made a total ass of me and feels no remorse whatsoever about destroying our family. That makes me sad. I am also going to be having to pay so much in lawyer fees. The fact that if wont negotiate is going to cost so much more than if he would have split everything in the first place. Anyway, the end is near, and life will continue.

Girl Scouts and Birthday

Yesterday was our first Brownie meeting and it was great. The girls were terrific. We had 10 girls and we decorated pumpkins and had a great first meeting. If the whole year runs as smoothly we will have a terrific year. Brianna had her birthday party at my dads this passed weekend. All my siblings were there and it was fun. She got her first webkinz and she has been going on the computer each night to play with it. This saturday is her actual birthday. We are going to celebrate with her friends and then my mom and grandparents. On friday her aunt and grandma are taking her and Ella to Nemo on ice. She sure has a lot going on!
Gosh I love that little girl and I hope that this 1st birthday with her parents apart goes well for her.

Huckleberry Railroad

The girls and I went to Huckleberry Railroad and had a great time. They wore their costumes and trick r treated through the village. The two of them have been so well behaved lately that we have been enjoying everything we do together. Today we are celebrating Brianna's bday at my dad's house. It's hard to believe how big she is getting. It feels like it was yesterday that Brian and I were bringing her home.

Good Parenting

Seriously, are a mini skirt and a halter top really acceptable for a 3 year old to wear to school when it is 50 degrees outside? And he cant even write a note or text that her backpack was in my car? Ok, so he doesnt want to communicate with me, but when its regarding the kids he really needs to get over himself. Dress the kids appropriately for the weather and when they need something for school, COMMUNICATE! She had to play outside dressed for summer and take her nap without a blanket. There is some good parenting for you!

I am glad they are home

My girls went overnight with their dad to a hotel last night. I missed them soooo much, but i did get to see them this afternoon when they got home. I am so glad they are home again. I get so sad on the days i dont have the girls. I start thinking how my family has been torn apart and how much i miss the 4 of us being together. And yes, i miss him. He was my best friend that i confided everything in for 17 years and i miss that. I hope one day we will be able to speak to each other again. Well
Enough about that, i am just glad to have my kids home again with me.

Sadness

Just feeling sad again. It sucks. I havent been sleeping well again. I cant wait for the day the sadness goes away. My girls will be going away for the night with their dad and that makes me really sad. I am used to seeing them every morning, even on their dads days. I also sneak a peek on them every night when they are sleeping. That means im not going to see them for 24 hours and i am sad about it. I am still sad about losing my husband and wish it was all just a terribly bad dream. I have been having really bad dreams again. I just really want the sadness to stop.

Get a life

That stupid anonymous caller called again! Annoying! Get a life of your own and stop interfering in mine.

A few more pics from KOA

Even more KOA pics

More KOA

I took the girls camping today and we have been having a great time. We are at the KOA in Port Huron. The girls rode their bikes around while I walked, we played putt putt, took a train ride, went on a hayride, jumped on a giant pillow and in a bounce house, made a campfire and had smores. The girls and I have really been enjoying ourselves. The weather is absolutely perfect and there is so much to do here. I am not sure what we'll do tomorrow, maybe just go check out the lake or river and head home. I guess I'll figure it out tomorrow.

KOA camping

Here are some pics so far from todays camping trip

Fun times

So today was good. After work my friend amy s and i went to freedom hill for the union fun fest. We talked to some people and had fun. We had dinner at the new ikes(very good food and nice place) and then met up with 3 more friends at the rochester mills brew company. They had a great band tonight. I havent danced that much in i dont know how long. It was so fun. An old friend from high school recognized me. I havent seen him since 1993, so it was cool to see him. He was shocked to hear what is going on with me and brian because the last time he saw brian, he was still a good guy. The brian he remembers was the one i fell in love with that everyone else admired and looked up to. Well that brian is gone now. Hes been replaced by this person that now wears tacky looking neck chains.

Funny

I have to say i just saw the most hysterical sight. My husband wearing a silver colored neck chain. He has not worn jewelry other than his wedding ring in years. He never liked it. Now hes wearing this cheap ass chain that looks cheap and used. You have to think though, isn't it sweet how hell wear such a cheap looking piece of shit gift around our children when he is still married to me and living with me? I only saw it by chance because heaven knows i dont like to look at him any more(lack of sleep and increased alcohol use has made him look like crap) but i heard him being real nasty with Brianna because she was having a bad morning with him and i had to go calm her. Well after i saw that chain i got a laugh.

Rambling

What makes people decide adultary is ok? How does someone go from being a christian that promises he would never cheat on his wife to someone that cheats many times and then says he has done nothing wrong and has no reason to feel guilty? And then to top it off, what makes him believe he should stick his wife and children with huge lawyer bills and not want to help pay down joint debt as well as try to keep any assets worth anything to himself? What makes a woman that claims to have been cheated on by her own husband turn into a total whore that knowingly sleeps with a married man? What makes her carry on such a relationship while she is raising children herself? And then to top it off not only is she sleeping with a married man well before he files for divorce, takes a vacation with him before he files for divorce, continues to sleep with him even though hes still sleeping with his wife and then after his wife finds out about her the whore emails and text messages the wife to brag on what a great boyfriend he is and about their secretive vacation. What makes people behave this way? Sure it sucks for me because i really really loved my husband and would have done absolutely anything at all for him and i always believed him when he said if was faithful and loved me. Now i know that everyone else was right when they warned me, but i cant undo the past. Ill never regret giving my everything to our marriage because i married him for better or worse til death. I lived my vows and i was a very good wife. I am also a very good mother and my poor girls are going to feel more pain in the long run because of their father and his whore. As their mother i am doing my job to raise them to be moral and christian. I am teaching them not to lie and deceive. I am teaching them to take care of themselves and to be kind and love others. But their father and his whore live quite the opposite of that. He has even stooped so low as to lie about me to his family so they dont talk to me anymore. He has been cruel and unkind to me many times recently, he dumps our children off on his family and then our girls are always asking why daddy doesnt want to see them and spend time with them. Dont get me wrong, the girls enjoy the time with their aunt and grandma and i am glad they get time together, but come on. Before he was being forced to have "his days" he avoided his family all the time. I would have to make him visit. Now he uses them to keep our girls busy. But hey, maybe thats better for our girls anyway. This way they will have less exposure to him and his immoral lifestyle. Also the days they spend with his family they cry less and they dont complain so much about how mean he is to them. It will be sad for my girls when he starts spending more time with that whores kids than them but ill cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime i am going to keep taking care me my girls and making sure they know they are loved.

Anonymous caller

So annoying, someone keeps calling here with their number anonymous and just sitting there on the phone while i say hello. They did it last week and again today. I am sure who it is, i mean she is pretty obsessed with me. It's very high school. Leave me and my family alone!

Fishing day

Today i took the girls to church and then metro beach. We tried to go to Stoney but the lake was closed for hydroplane races. The girls were terrific for almost the whole day. We didnt catch any fish and that sucked, but at least we tried. I cut worms in half, stuck them on the hook, and even attached a new hook when Ella snagged hers. Then we headed to the nature center and trails. That was fun until Brianna decided to blow it but i wont go into details here.